We are staring at a mountain. Or at least I am. I am definitely the planner around here. I'm staring at this mountain and wondering how on earth we are ever going to reach the top. We've climbed this mountain 3 times. We have just barely made it back down again. Its funny, some days I thought that last battle was just going to be too much. 3 years. I'm still amazed I made it without have to admit I finally was going to lose it. I figured I'd need counseling and medication. Lots of medication. But I look back and I just think "Wow. That wasn't so bad". You know. It wasn't. I stopped fighting and just let God teach me all kinds of stuff. I hope I really have grown as much as I feel like I have. I'm still adjusting as to how to make those lessons be part of the lifestyle our family has going. That's actually the hardest part. Readjusting to life after climbing the mountain.
And here we go up again.
I'm drowning right now in paperwork. Oh how I hate it. Only second to having to make phone calls. Luckily this journey doesn't require too many of those.
I'm overwhelmed. We have a specific need right now. Oddly enough, its already been met. The problem is that it is met for the end result and we have to fill in the gap to get there. Then there's the fact that it may be met or God may have another plan and we will travel a different path.
I know I've grown because I can without a doubt say that it isn't stressing me to think that God may push us another way. One mountain may be very special and important, but if God says "No not this one", well we are going to be obedient and turn to the next. We are climbing regardless.
Already we've been stopped. 5 weeks we waited for the go ahead. We got it and then something changed. I was about panicked for an hour trying to figure out what happened. Then it was ok again.
I have such a love hate relationship with this journey. 13 months, 18 months, then 36 months (24 on a specific journey). They are telling me "this is a long journey. Are you sure you want to do this?" I just snicker. If the journey was short, I might be willing to wait a little while before setting out. I mean, I do realize how crazy my life is. I do see all the plates I'm spinning. I do acknowledge how easily they could start to fall.
I'll just say it. We just adopted a 9 year old who is developmentally delayed and is adjusting more slowly than my other kids have. I have 3 kids with significant disabilities. We chose to homeschool and may lose our therapy services very soon. I've got 2 kids that need to learn to read. I've got a high schooler that we are trying to guide into adulthood. On top of all this, I have a full time job. More times than I would like to admit, I just don't do anything because I can't figure out what the heck I should be doing. I'm overwhelmed sometimes.
What everyone doesn't know is that I can just take a deep breath. My kids are really smart. They are still young and we have time. All of them are doing more amazing than I would have expected. My high schooler is pretty normal. We have the same issues most families do with teenagers. He is great with his siblings. I see the responsible side peaking out. Its all good. Our family gets closer to each other every day. I might not be able to doing everything by myself, but together we can make this happen. I'm content to look up at the mountain and barely see the top. I've got loads of things to keep me busy on the way up.
The best part of climbing this mountain is knowing that there is a cute little face at the end. Its knowing that the climb down may be pretty rough to start out but God will help me grow now to handle that. Its knowing that even before we leave the bottom of this mountain that there's probably another right next to it we'll be hiking up later. It is so worth it that it doesn't matter how hard it is, how impossible it seems, how frustrated or broken we get along the way. We may still be looking from the mountain top just to find another to climb.