Trials are not enemies of faith but are opportunities to prove
God's faithfulness. -- Author Unknown

God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one
to say 'thank you?' -- William A. Ward

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


The mark of us being together as a family for a month has come and gone. With that small anniversary, no update from me. I would apologize but my life has been crazy.
We are settling into being a family. I won't lie though. It has been rough for me. Ananya's needs, Prasun's needs, and general wifedom has been quite overwhelming in the last 6 weeks. Not to mention making sure Anthony is doing schoolwork and not being neglected on a daily basis. I've returned to work now. I'm kind of happy about that. It rounds out my time. I feel more useful. I have changed my schedule a bit and I'm way more at peace now.
I'm going to be honest for a minute.
The last 6 weeks have been rough. I can't remember how bad it was last time. I do remember crying on the phone to a friend at 8:30 at night because Ananya got into a routine of crying at bedtime. For a time, it was hours of screaming. We had tried everything and she still cried. We had to stop laying down with her because her screaming would give us headaches. It was bad. This time, we haven't had anything that bad. Just the daily life of 2 3 1/2 year olds is overwhelming. I mean I don't go a week without a doctor appointment. I'm not sure how to handle a day without therapy. I've struggled with the realization that this is my daily life now. Its not going to get better in a few months. Its not going to settle down for a long time. That is just the reality. I have 2 kids that need therapy and have special needs.
More honesty. I struggle on a regular basis that I'm not doing everything I can for Ananya. Since getting home, I've had to fight with countless doctors and others to just get things started for Prasun. I really haven't gotten anything at all started. Tomorrow we go to the pediatrician for our big visit. Prasun has to get blood drawn. I'm not looking forward to talking to the doctor. I had a serious problem with her when we got home from India. I'm hoping tomorrow goes better because I don't want to have to switch doctors. All of this just makes it harder for me to think I'm doing everything that I can. I've pulled Ananya out of preschool. I don't think that a class of 4 year olds was the best for her. I would be more willing to put her in a class with 2 year olds. That is where she is developmentally. It makes sense to me. The preschool teacher has voiced that Ananya loved being with the other kids. I had been nice to this point. I informed her that my daughter was raised in a building with almost 30 other kids, of course she's going to be comfortable.
I just wish I could do more for these 2 kids (well in actuality all 3 of them). I know this is something that every parent goes through. The decisions parent make determine almost everything in a child's life. I don't want to screw this up. Being a parent can just be hard sometimes.
OK. So now I've put all my insecurities out there. I'll go ahead and update you on our daily life.
He is doing good. After spending the weekend with Patrick, he now will say "Daddy" on a regular basis. We started a bad habit. He somehow picked up the word "ok". So now if you ask him something he says "ok". If you ask him if he wants to go night-night he says "no ok". If it wasn't followed by some very loud crying it would be cute. He has stopped hitting his head on the floor for the most part. He was just so weak and uncoordinated when he got home that he kept falling when he was crawling. He would hit his head alot. He is getting stronger. He will pull himself up sometimes. He fell out of his crib. I was in the room. He was fine. I think he acually didn't even hit his head as hard as he has a couple times while crawling. He hasn't stood up in his crib yet without us around. I'm hoping that it stays that way. We will consider a toddler bed once he is pulling up on a regular basis during the day and is developmentally ready. He loves push toys. If you just walk behind and push he'll walk very well. His legs cross some but he is starting to move them into the correct position when it happens. He still smiles all the time. His eating has slowed down to an almost normal level now. He doesn't throw a fit at meal times.
Ananya is doing very well. Her jealous side has started to come out. She has started hitting and scratching Prasun. We are trying to referee that. I'm sure it will decrease with time. She is doing good with therapy in school. They say she has problems transitioning from 1 therapist to another. Mondays she does PT and then OT comes in. She doesn't like to switch teachers. I don't know if alittle more prompting beforehand will help as well as alittle more time. She has been doing awesome with her outpatient PT. She is playing ball, throwing the ball, balancing while sitting, and has been very good tempered. We got her school walker to use at home over the break. She likes to be in it. I'm working on getting her one for at home. It may be a month or more before I can get it though. Prasun likes her walker too. He does very well in it. This reinforces my instinct to find one for him while looking for hers.
Anthony is doing well. He is ready for Christmas. He opened presents at his grandma's already. He has been doing well with schoolwork since I switched to an online cirriculum. He has been doing his daily lessons and spanish with very little prompting from me. We are of course struggling with him about computer time. He likes to play World of Warcraft. We have set limits on his time. He is adjusting to having a new brother. It is going to take some time. Prasun weighs more and so Anthony isn't as comfortable to just carry him around like Ananya. He is still adjusting to Prasun's personality. He is looking forward to starting indoor soccer after Christmas.
I really am doing ok. I'm feeling good today. I've been stressing because I've been out of work for 6 weeks and Christmas is fast approaching. We weren't as prepared as I would have liked to have been. Oh well. We made it.
I'm just glad to be done with adoptions for now. After deciding to adopt again when we had only been home a matter of months, I ready to have a break. No more paperwork. No more waiting. Besides, I don't really have time for paperwork or waiting. I've got doctor's appointments, therapy sessions, homeschool work, and fieldtrips to keep me busy. I don't really want to be done forever, but for now we are taking a break.
I'll add pictures of the kids in Ananya's walker after they take a nap. At present, I think Prasun is sleeping and Ananya is laying in her crib whining, just to let me know she didn't need a nap.


Julie & Patrick said...

Thanks for the honesty, Amanda. You are doing a great job for the kids and make what you are doing seem effortless. It sounds like maybe the progress isn't coming as fast as you'd like, but you are doing great things for these children. That said, don't forget about taking care of you too :)

Julie R

Kristi W. said...

You rock, girl! Don't beat yourself up. You've only been home for 6 weeks after all. Chalk it all up to transition for now. Sometimes progress is slow for a while and then all of a sudden a big downpour comes. You can do this. You are a strong woman and you were meant to be these kids' mama. God picked YOU for a reason. Take a deep breath, and like Julie said, make sure you take care of you. Go for a run!!! Get some coffee!!! Call a friend (me?)!!! :) K

The Pfeiffer Family said...

It sounds like you are doing an amazing job with everything you have one your plate right now. I homeschool my 2 boys and that alone is a handful. God will give you what you need to make it through each day. I appreciate your honesty and giving some insight to the harder parts of adoption.

Take care, April #6

Heart and Hands said...

Thank you for your honesty. I really admire and respect that. I completely relate to your struggles about wanting to do a great job with these kids God has entrusted to you and how hard it is to keep perspective and endure. You are EXACTLY the right mom for these amazing kids. Prasun's smile tells me everything.
Keep it up. Take breaks and believe us when we tell you that you're doing a great job--even on the hard days. We're so proud of you. I'm praying that God will provide the walkers for you ASAP!
all the best,

Peter and Nancy said...

Going from two to three kids was demanding for me -- and I didn't have 1/4 of the doctor visits you've had to do, much less PT, OT, and the physical demands of caring for two growing (heavier & bigger!) special needs kids. (And homeschooing!) I hope you're able to give yourself some grace, and get a break in now and then. You are truly running a marathon every day . . . and you're a beautiful mother to your kids.